CLUMSY FOX AND FOX WITH NO TAIL
Once a fox that was a bit ugly and a bit clumsy formed a partnership with another fox friend that lived in another wood, just a bit further across.
And… why did the two foxes form this partnership?
They formed the partnership because what often happens to foxes, is this: for many days they hunted nothing and starved, and then…then all of a sudden they would catch roosters and chickens, quails and blackbirds, flies and squirrels and eggs and butterflies which didn’t all fit into their stomachs. As we know foxes don’t own fridges, and so an egg and a fly and a butterfly would go off and have to be thrown out.
So, under a hedge in the moonlight, the clumsy, ugly fox took a leaf and a piece of charcoal and wrote this:
“Wood of a thousand chestnut-tree stumps, twenty fifth Elmi, thirtieth short year…………………………………………………………………
We the undersigned, Clumsy Fox and Fox with no tail, by profession hunters, are here under the hedge in the wood of one thousand chestnut-tree stumps.
We have formed……………………………………………………………………………….
Clumsy Fox, born on the twelfth Elmi, thirtieth short year in the wood, and residing there in Via Cupella Storta, third gnarled log on the right. Distinguishing features: clumsy. In a state of legal separation from the goods and chattels of my family of descent……………………………………………………………………………………..
Fox with no tail, born on the fourteenth viaticum, twentieth long year in the wood and residing there in The Hunter’s Slaughter-Tree Street, fifth twisted gunshot-riddled log. Distinguishing features: no tail. In a state of separation from the goods and chattels of my family of descent………………………………………………………..
Recognising each other and being sure and certain of the other’s identity, and being in full possession of our faculties of scenting leeward and against the wind, and occasionally running here and there as fast as we can, sound of mind, in perfect shape with four sturdy paws, without the imposition of third party foxes, in the moonlight in the middle of the wood of one thousand chestnut-tree stumps and renouncing the presence of the witnesses, we declare as follows: to withstand the hard life in the woods where it often happens that: either one doesn’t find food or one can’t grab it because there are often hunters and …and to abbreviate the deed we are about to draw up here, we agree on everything we have in mind, in compliance with the above without lying or swindling…………………………………………………………………………………….
The expenses for the present deed and consequentials have not been paid, so no expenses will be charged to the contracting parties.
The present deed was written in charcoal, in cursive on seven wide chestnut-tree leaves. We have read it through and by mutual agreement we agree!………………………………………………………….
Read, approved and undersigned…………………………………………………
Clumsy Fox then signed here and Fox with no tail signed there. Both pleased, they then celebrated with eggs. Afterwards they bid each other good-bye and restlessly and happily tottered away.
The next day Fox with no tail caught a blackbird and three quails: having eaten his share, he looked for Clumsy Fox and on finding her gave her the blackbird and a quail.
“You know, I didn’t catch anything because today the wood where I live was chock-a-block with hunters and…well, thanks
Fox with no tail, and…well, well: what a great agreement we have come to!” said Clumsy Fox.
“Well, well, what a great agreement we have come to!” Clumsy Fox said again. And she laughed and laughed, so satisfied was she that the deal was going swimmingly for her.
At dawn Fox with no tail nabbed a fawn, divided it in two, and at midday under a burning sun went off in search of Clumsy Fox: he spotted her in a bush, and called out.
“Look here! Look what I have here for you! Fawn! Some for you and some for me.”
“Oh God, oh my God, what a great agreement we have come to! I really am so unlucky, it went badly again today, those damn hunters shoot like crazy in my wood. One of them (what a scoundrel!) even killed his dog by mistake, and then took the dead dog away with him, damn it! Who knows where he buried it, for if I had known I would have given you some dead dog. A long time ago I tasted one and it was so very, very tasty.
But, but this morning I stole two ears of maize and a tomato in a field, and because I swear I’m really so very kind and always want to cut a fine figure, here’s what we’ll do: I don’t even want to go halves, I’ll just take them and give them to you.” Then it so happened that Fox with no tail was so very unlucky, and that for a few days he caught nothing. In the meantime, Clumsy Fox who was hunting nearby would always manage to catch a few birds. But she would catch them on the sly, and eat them on the sly as well, without leaving so much as a bone. She would then go in search of her friend to whom, without fail she would offer two ears of maize and a few thin, crooked carrots.
“I really am unlucky, there is so much famine in my wood that this is all I could find. But you have them, go on and eat. I stole them from the farmer: they’re good all the same, and you know what I’m like, I always want to cut a fine figure.”
But in the end Fox with no tail, who was kind, but also sharp, worked it all out. “Tell me, what do you have inside you?” he said grinding his teeth: “You want meat from me, but then you give me maize?! Your head’s not working properly! Maize is what you
take to chickens my friend! To chickens! I don’t lay eggs I don’t, nor do I know how to say cock-a doodle-do. I’m a fox like you and I eat meat! Seeing that you’ve always had meat from me, then I want meat in return. And seeing what you’re like, it’s each man for himself from now on and you can tear up that agreement. I’ll be giving my leftover meat to the worms rather than to you! Yes the worms, get it?
Let me tell you one more time: from now on it’s each man for himself. And remember to tear up that agreement we came to!”
In disgust, Fox with no tail swore to himself never to sign another contract again, neither with foxes nor with others.
He then quickly took himself off to who knows what other part of the woods.